Two and a Half Men

Series Finale:     
Episodes #261 and #262 — Of Course He’s Dead
The finale opens with a flashback to Charlie’s funeral and Rose recounting that Charlie had been cremated because his body had been destroyed by a train. In present day, we see Rose in her basement, lowering food and vodka into a pit.

Alan receives a letter that says that Charlie’s music royalties for his children’s music have reached $2.5 million and he schemes to obtain a death certificate to claim it. He goes to Evelyn and discovers that she doesn’t have a death certificate for his brother either. They realize that one’s never been produced. They only had Rose’s word that Charlie is dead. Back at her house, Rose discovers that her captive has escaped.

As he makes a fake birth certificate, Alan learns that the royaly money has been claimed and deposited in an account in the Caymen Islands. Alan and his mother receive threatening messages from a mysterious person who seems to know them well.

They and Walden go to visit Charlie’s illegitimate daughter Jenny (Amber Tamblyn) and she doesn’t know anything about the threats but soon receives a letter via special delivery. The sender apologizes for not being there for her and includes a check for $100,000. Several women from Charlie’s past, including Mia, Chelsea, and Ms. Pasternak, are shown receiving apology letters and checks. They’re all thrilled.

Rose comes clean about what really happened to Charlie (via animated sequence). It seems they had married and Rose later caught him with a hooker, a mime and a goat in bed in France. She stormed out and headed for a train station. He caught up with her and Rose pushed Charlie in front of a train as revenge but the goat got in the way and was hit instead. The cremated remains belong to the goat. Rose bound and gagged Charlie and shipped him back to California and she’s had him imprisoned in her basement in Sherman Oaks for the past four years.

She leaves and Evelyn goes into hiding, fearing Charlie’s wrath. Walden receives a threatening message as well, thanks to Rose sharing that he had slept with her and taken over his house.

Alan and Walden go to the police and talk to Lt. Wagner (Arnold Schwarzenegger) and tell him what’s happened (including all that’s happened over the course of the series). Returning home, the pair find life size cardboard cutouts of themselves wearing nooses and sporting targets.

Fearing for his life, Alan calls Judith, Kandi and Lyndsey to tell each how much they have meant to him. Walden does the same, calling Bridget (who’s sleeping with John Stamos) and Zoey (who is now the queen of Moldavia).

A bearded Jake returns and tells them that he left the Army and is now married with children and living in Japan. He received a mysterious $250,000 check and a note saying “I am not dead.” He gambled in Vegas and now has $2.5 million. Berta, who’s high on pot, admits she also received a big check from a friendly benefactor.

Alan and Walden are phoned by Lt. Wagner who tells them that Charlie has been captured so they relax. They don’t know that the suspect is actually Christian Slater who’s been tricked into wearing clothing similar to Charlie’s.

Alan, Walden and Berta celebrate and relax with cigars and drinks in the lounge chairs on the balcony. On the horizon, they see a helicopter approaching the house and carrying a grand piano, like the one Charlie used to play. The three wonder if Lt. Wagner caught the right man.

A man who looks like Charlie (from behind) walks up to the front door of the house and is about to ring the doorbell when the piano falls on him, presumably killing him for real.

The camera pulls back and we see series producer Chuck Lorre sitting in a director’s chair, in front of the set. Smiling, he turns to the camera and says “winning” and a piano falls on him as well. End of series.
First aired: February 19, 2015.